Thankee for the wishes!

So it was my birthday yesterday and somehow i had no expectations of it. But, i underestimated it.

Let me list why
1. I had more than 20 notifications from facebook wishing me
2. My bro (3rd one) and i went out for lunch (quality brother-sister time which did NOT turn into a hair loss-blackeye event)
3. We bought awesome Fab Cake
4. Nothing goes well with cake than photos. The numerous times i had to pose with my parents trying to feed me with the cake!
p.s. dont be fooled by the wine glass. It was actually coke!
5.With photos came the other dishes plus the heart rendering clothes and MONEY from the relatives. oh yes plus the wishes :P
6. My friend had sent me a cake which was totally unexpected!
7. Finally, my other bro (2nd one) had transferred money for me to spend on me plus on our tradition (Ordering pizzas)

Hence, my day did turn out well and fun!

Run-away bride

Well alot of people are very unaware of the impulsive nature of me... Maybe Im usually saner and think too many times until im almost about to loose the opportunity.

So anyways, for a couple of days i was undecided of going home for vacs or staying back for an internship. And it so doesn't help when all your friends keep asking whether your leaving or not while for some of them you end up having to send off...

Anyways it was one of those days that i was so not interested to dress up. In my usual shabby jeans and a normal gurutha top i left my cousins place to go to uni... There pretty much i became a lab rat for 5 bucks (took part in a research survey). Anyhoo, after that a friend of mine gave me a small talk which suddenly convinced me to go home. So here i was booking an online ticket at 6pm to fly back home in the midnight flight. I had 6 hours left and somehow it felt like i had enough time!

Ofcourse, when i told my buddies here they were shocked! Totally unexpected, cos i was to leave in 6 hours and the first to fly back in the lot when they had all come to the conclusion that im goin to stay back the entire 1 month vacation.

So anyways, after making the booking i started getting second thoughts that was when my friends started getting doubt that il end up being wet feet and run away from buying the ticket and hence flying back home. So one of them made sure she comes with me the airport. She made me go to the airport in those shabby clothes! Finally i got to change into something descent (shalwar!) in the airport toilet! So, they had pretty much concluded that if i am goin to marry on my own will il end up being a runaway bride!

Anyways lateron, it did feel good to board a flight for which i had made a booking just 6 hours ago!( booking not bought!). Felt like i was one of those celebrities/ buisness women!

Free bird!

Yep! Im a free bird... and why?
Cos im done with this semester's exams.

However, this is just not the last. I still have some more hurdles to pass. Damn!
Anyways its part time...

Exams! Exams! Exams!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh well exaggeration is my thing! A week more and i am done for this semester.
But, as usual I'm caught in between. I want time to fly so that il be done with the whole unpleasant exam feeling but at the same time I'm not ready yet to answer so I need time to study!

Oh well, Life's like that!

ps. I cant help day dreaming too... Paaaaaarty! Chocolate buffet, yum yum
oops back to reality!

Telepathy and stupidity

Its sometimes a wonder to think how much Ive matured especially in the last 3 years. I thought i started out as a matured, responsible person but on the way I realized I was just as same as the others immature in certain aspects. But, now i feel i have matured even in those few aspects.

For instance, there were times I thought this certain person connected with me so well. That is he knew what to say and when to call me. He would call me just when i think of calling him or messaging him. But, what i never realized was how naive i was and how smart he was. Imagine, everytime I wanted to send him a message Id log into singtel web sms. What I didn't know was that an sms would be sent to him (name) is stating a session with him. Then, either i would change my mind and close sending a message to him saying I have closed the session, or he'd end up messaging or calling me even before I can finish sending the message. Either way he knows when I think of him and thus, he beats me to it. Stupidly, I used to think it was telepathy and a sign that he is the one.

Now to think of it, it is funny but, it did take me quite a long time to figure it out. However, it is point that shows my outlook towards love, from the fantasy, fairy land love to the reality, two people meeting at the right place and the right time.

Stole the last phrase from a dearest friend :P

"It takes two to Tango"

Been struggling for two years in an on and off friendship (as hilarious it may sound)... and just like a friend of mine said it just suddenly strikes you that it is the end.
No longer obliged to be a friend, an enemy or anyone of any importance.
And yet it never ended in the way i wanted it to.

Does it matter how it ends as long as it ends?
Yet it would have felt better, more at peace if we were to walk in our own separate paths after a good handshake.

The toughest problem so far is to accept reality, but it is much worse when it comes along with the loss of a potential best friend.
Maybe that was the reason that it had been long going, struggling for 2 years. At times I've considered myself to be a rebel and it is this nature that doesn't let me give in to nature's laws of "Thats how life is". So tough that it took me this long to break the ties of a beautiful friendship.

However, there is a saying
"It takes two to Tango"

Broken glass

Crack!
Not the twigs in fire
but the sounds of breaking glass

Came along; a change
that melted the heart,
the ever so hard rock into a shiny glass

Feelings and emotions became so transparent
She became transparent
Weeks passed by, Months passed by
and yet it felt like seconds
The glass was soon indistinguishable
from a sparkling diamond

One day she woke up for what she thought was the best day of her life
But the glass shattered
even before the transformation can be complete
Unseen and unpredicted
And she waits and hopes that another change will come along
to put the pieces back in place

Crazy...

Well remember the "dream". I later found out that my friend had fainted and was quite sick. During that time i had left offline msgs but didnt think about calling or msging her. Maybe if i had called her id have woken her up or even prevented her from fainting. The dream was like a hidden msg.

Dream or a reminder of reality?

Some times some things need to happen to make us realise how granted we take some things in life or to remind us reality.
anyways lets go straight to my dream. Its a very long one maybe in short series which i assume to be one whole story. Anyways in my dream my former warden probably has just left to school. Somehow when we are near his office we see this other room in which he has recorded himself in a tape(no my dream is not a remake of ring... these are the good parts) And somehow using the tape we can project an image of him standing with us and take a proper groupie picture which none of us actually did in reality! While posing of the picture Im not sure how but i even see my friend's brother whom i hardly know there playing around with wax... weird! (No not a remake of house of wax)

The dream goes onto the second part where i am doing grocery shopping with one of my close girl friends in NUS maybe for some tripe and somehow i spend a quite long time with the sales assistant whose trying to find boneless chicken as well as making a friendly conversation... more weird!
Finally when iv found what i want to buy and she has bought what she wanted (hey you know what this actually reminds me of shopping at Georgies mart in the evening with her!) Anyhow there is this ladder that leads to somewhere, maybe attic, I try to climb on it but I realise that the ladder isnt supported well and so refrain from climbing. Now, somehow still on the way out of the building my friend tells me about there being a hospital in the complex which is out function. I also see people sleeping on beds and sleeping bags outside some what seemed to be like furniture store. I end up analyzing this with my friend and a few others i dont know. Thats when we (I) realized that its getting late and theres a storm coming. We finally manage to leave the place when i remembered i forgotten my bag!

Going back in for the bag, the door now feels like a heavy wooden door with old fashioned metal knob of an old mansioned house (not anywhere to the feel of a complex though i am going back to the complex which has the hospital) I dont know if my friend is following back, but when im in there thats when I see the people i have been talking to in a room. I start hearing spooky thud noises. Those people warn me not to leave. Then a bunch maybe 4-5 unknown people come inside to that room. They say something im not sure what but the other people around me say I invited the dead in... That i should have left when i went and not come back in. It somehow has brought back them in. It seemed like that bunch was asking if any of the people around me wanted to play with them!

An old man next to me asked that woman to shut up... I figured that these bunch wouldnt leave now without taking any of the old ones with them and yet the man was kind enough to ask the person telling me all this to shut up. All that person (i think it was a woman) said seemed so real and so scary.It seemed safe to leave that place so i took my bag and put the lock on knob and was about to shut the door behind me when my friend comes running in for me. I almost locked her in, but I was quick enough to call her back and she was quick enough to run back, hold the door and squeeze through the gap. We let the door and close and knew the lock is on. No outsiders can come in now. I know the damage is done but I hoped i prevented further damage .(Atleast that whats i thought in my dream... few spooky figures in better than many i thought)

Outside walking in the dark, Its still raining too. She said she heard whispers those of the dead nurses and some patients too of the hospital. Somehow i felt brave with her next to me. I wanted her to come till my house. (im talking about the one back in sri lanka).But she wanted to go take the first bus from the first bus stop rather than the one near mine. I am pretty much begging her to come with me to the second stop. That i will wait with her at the bus stop. (At the same time I am hoping to call my dad to come to the bus stop. Somehow my dad is always my hero and savior!) She doesnt realise that I am really scared. Maybe she agrees, but i wake up from the dream all spooked out yet feeling the intense fear of being abandoned in the lonely dark night.

I know this dream is nothing to those iv had before or to those insane ones which many others had. Iv had a dream even meeting the angel of death yet somehow this was different. This felt real. Spooked me even when i was writing the part that I brought in the dead. I dont know whether she was there till the end but i realised how much this girl, my friend, is there for me. But would it remain the same when she gets married? I dont know too.

I just want to tell you how much i appreciate you being there for me, even in my dreams. Thank you :)

911-phone call

So on my exchange program to Canada (Montreal!!!) i made my first blunder just a day or 2 after i had checked in.

Montreal and Toronto have different area codes. Montreal is 514 and Toronto is 416. The oncampus residence has free local phone calling service (local meant only Montreal and i never knew it before!) which required dialing a 9 before any other numbers (9 514...) So, i thought il give a call to my aunt and say that i am ok.
Being a computer-worm (oh well i was sort of addicted to chatting and facebook at that time, so i was glued to the laptop) I was dialing the toronto number 941... but what i hadnt noticed was i had dialled 911! Fortunately i realised it on time and hung up before anyone can pick the phone. Triumphant that I had succeeded in not embarassing myself and getting into trouble I relaxed back into the chair and yes busily chatting away...

Tap tap tap so i heard some sounds. Got a lil freaked out cos the wooden floors make similar noise and sometimes when no one else is walking i still hear the noise! (Later on i realized the walls were too thin that you can even hear the floors creaking in the next room.) So anyways i ignored thinking i imagined the knocking. Then again i heard and this time i thought it was my roomie. (ya for the first few weeks we'd be polite and knock at our own rooms instead of barging in!)

So I yell out "Come in". Still no sign of anyone. I open the door and i see a red/ pink faced man, panting outside the door. He looked like a police (actually he was the security officer and i was too new to the place that i didn't know the difference between police and security guard!)
I was speechless when he asked me whether i had called 911... Of course i did but then i was very sure no one answered it. It couldn't have even been 5 mins since the call and this guy is already here at my door step. I felt like a total idiot. I so hoped there'd be a earthquake and id be swallowed in or had the powers to turn invincible. (I like the latter. Imagine all the things i could do... stalk a hot guy :P)

So anyways he gave a big sigh of relief, accepted my trucks of apologies and left with advices like i can always call for help.

Conclusion? Continue to make stupid blunders even after changing countries temporarily.
*sigh*

Lions and tigers

Yes, its a serious issue. But, belonging to the minority doesn't really help.

Theres a range of view about it. But, what people don't realize is that the more we have to keep dealing with it the more it affects us psychologically. The us i mean here are those who have had to face the consequences directly or indirectly. For eg there are some who in their entire 20 something life had never had house checks done, neither be stopped at check points for the simple reason of being a minority.

I don't mean they should be treated likewise but i mean why treat us different?

Another interesting fact is how stupid some of the people belonging to the majority can get. Just because you are part of the minority does NOT mean that you are part of the liberators. Its not like i had a choice to be born in another family. Heck, if i could i would ask god to move my entire family else where in the world so that i can still be born to the same family.

The saddest thing is that some incidents (comparatively minor to those had to deal with really unpleasant incidents) have left some bitter memories that makes me no longer want the country i was born in. When most friends of mine return home I prefer and enjoy staying back in an unknown foreign country. The only thing that wants me to go back is my family and friends. If they too shift there is no more a reason to go back. This is just not my view Im sure many others want the same. Then, the government can have what it wants where the majority will rule and be the only rulers.

Would you prefer to live in a land of stress or in a land of discrimination and fear?
Id rather be alive and deal with stress wisely than fear of painful death.

Sometimes people talk of peace. We want peace, we do things together blah blah.
Hellooo meet Reality! How can you want peace without correcting the fundamental wrongs?
If the government really wants to have peace why cant it win the hearts of minority such that the minority people themselves will support the government and end the war. For a start they could change the laws that any Srilankan citizen belonging to either of the 4 races stand a chance for presidency.

And i hear people say: Im sorry this is never going to happen in this lifetime!
Or even start at minor scale by representing all the communities in the annual students night ya?!

But i know one thing the country would do. That is if i ever become one of the great achievers in the world every tom dick and harry in Srilanka will claim me as one of their own. But, Id rather give the praise to the country that aided me in my needy time than the country that chased me away!

Stunned

It was one of those days that i made poor decisions. I wouldn't regret the decisions i made that day for, afterall i did enjoy myself.

I visited a friend of mine quite late in the night. And therefore, left late enough that public transport had ceased.We took a taxi back home and being the last person to get down i had to pay for the taxi fare. For some reason the machine wouldn't accept my Atm card and thus i had no ways of paying the taxi fare other than call one of my friends for money.

Not many people are awake at 4am in the morning. So, i called each and every known person in my residence hoping that someone will pick up their phone. It was then that I realised i couldnt find the name of a certain someone in my phone directory. So, while the taxi guy was waiting I was definitely shocked that my ex's name was missing in the contacts.

I couldnt remember the day I had deleted it. Even worse was that i never realised it was missing for days. For a moment or two i sat there (still in the taxi) staring at the phone. However, the taxi man was getting quite annoyed and my automatic nervous system didnt fail me as i dialed his number like i was dialing my atm pin number.
(I tend to have this sudden loss of memory when i try to recall my pin numbers but at the cash withdrawing machine, the numbers key in perfectly like an automatic response)
Anyways, ultimately it was another friend of mine who came for rescue as no one was reachable.

Its then that i couldnt help thinking do all relationships end up easily forgotten? I know i loved him very much when we were in the relationship and due to unavoidable circumstances things had to end. Even when it did i had a tough time moving on. But the stunning part was how was i able to forget him completely that he is not even in my chat list. I would speak to him, msg him or chat to him almost everyday before and after we were together. My definition of moving on was to get over those special feelings for the certain someone but still be able to care. Though now it appears that I might have even forgotten that he existed in those couple of days.

I cant help but doubt love now. If it is so possible to forget (though i am glad, I do not want to end up single for the rest of my life!) then how do you believe in one's words that "I will love you and care for you for the rest of my life".
Don't you have to remember the person to love and care?

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe if you do love the person you wouldnt let things get in the way of keeping in touch and hence allow the possibility of forgetting the person. Anyways, I do believe in things happen for the best. So maybe I am really ready to move on...

A thing called Arranged Marriage...

What i thought was too early for marriage was proved to be wrong by my friends...
Like getting a degree, they just thought "hey lets get married and increase the population!"
Ofcourse at one time or the other we have given a thought to marriage and like most people i also want to fall in love and marry.

But, there is something else called "Arranged Marriages". To most people from where i come from, it was something that happened during our fathers and mothers generation and to the rest; they might not even have heard of it!

Arranged marriages are something like where your parents hook you up with a man/ woman instead of your friends. They look at all sort of criteria starting from family backgrounds to bank balances :p And yes, once you are hooked there is no turning back as it is not a date thats arranged but a wedding!

Years ago and sometimes even now in developing countries such marriages are forced upon the kids by their parents. However, now, i believe it is different. The reasons can be many...maybe for the parents wish (yes, there are many of us who will jump into a well rather than talk back/ hurt our parents) or just too fed-up of waiting for the "right" one or even dating itself...

Getting married to a complete stranger could appear "sick" (that's what one of my friends would like to call it), scary or even stupid. But, lately i seem to see another side to this thing called arranged marriage.

Another side?

The whole thing about marriages is that we want to live happily with that one special person. Love him/ her and to be loved back. So, does it matter as to how we fall in love? But that you are in love. Many would argue back saying that once you are married you are forced to be in love.
Maybe true. But, did we not choose him/her first? There should have been some basis to choose him and hence a sign of what i call "liking".

Anyways my point being, isn't it interesting to have a married life where you get to know the person day by day? And who knows you might even fall in love day by day without your own knowledge. Imagine, in love marriages you know your partner years before you get married and by that time you know everything you need to know (atleast the good side). [It somehow sounds a little boring.]
So while the "honeymooning" period has diminished/ ended in love marriages it probably has just begun for arranged marriages.

In addition, you enter love marriages with some expectation and hence expect the partner to fulfill that expectation. However, the catch is no one person is same and perfect.And a change could lead to disappointment.
However, in arranged you hardly know the person and may have even imagined that your life is doomed. To your sweet surprise it would have turned out better than you expected.

Ofcourse these are my opinion and i am no expert in marriages or love. Neither am i settling in for any sort of marriages at this moment!

Voices in her head

She cant stop thinking of him.
She keeps up just for his call.

Did he ever call?
It did ring the first day. It made her crave for more calls.

Does he know?
Does she know he doesnt know?

She wants to change for him.
She wants to meet him as often. But...

Why "But"?
Hes never there. When hes there shes not there.

Didnt she throw him away a few years back?
She did.

Then why now?
She doesnt know the answer

He didnt notice her for the past few years?Then why him?
She doesnt know the answer.

Can she imagine him and her "together"?
She knows its a big mismatch.
She knows they can never clique

Then why?
She doesnt know the answer.

Then what does she know???
*irritated*
All she knows is...
Shes falling for him... deeply.

Obession 1.5 - Dolphins

Im crazy about dolphins. Got a huge dolphin huggy back home plus got a small one here too. It might be cos i am Pisces. They are such graceful, fun creatures. Though let me tell you im not the only one crazy about dolphins.
One day, I went along with one of my friends to his lab. It was quite late so no one was there and just like any other curious little girls... (alrite i was anyway known for my curiosity even back in school.) So, i go snooping around first in his cubicle then to his supervisor's cubicle.

Note: I did NOT digg into any of her files or any of her personal belongings.

Guess what i see?! Her entire cubicle is decorated with dolphin stuffs. She had a cute ruler (yes, how can a ruler be cute???) but it was! Because it was one of those pyramid shaped ones with this blue liquid filled to half of its volume. And in it were cute little plastic dolphins floating around. She had other things too. A calender with dolphin pics. I think an ornament with dolphins. Then, her screen saver was dolphins and i believe, her wallpaper could have been dolphins too! Anyways, suddenly his supervisor became my best buddy... haha!
Though i might have been hers worst for snooping around in her cubicle.
Anyways we didnt stay that long. We had come so that my friend can take a couple of papers he was working on.

At the moment my perfect tattoo would be a dolphin.

Obession

I've always wanted to get a tattoo…. The obsession has been there for years. I'm not sure when it started but, I remember wanting a scorpion during my 10^th grade. Ofcourse, at that time it was more like “Wow its cool!” but then as time passed my obsession had gained more meaning to it. I wanted to get it not because I want to show it off but it was more than that. Self-expressive.

Yet, I seem to have trouble finding the right type. For the past few years I have been changing the tattoo design from scorpion to peacock feather and so on. Two of my close friends have a tattoo each; a chain with Africa as a pendant around her ankle and the other a mysterious bird. The former represents her patriotism and the latter her mysteriousness in character.(i assume) Both these tattoo had an impact on me that I wanted to get either one of them.

With such an unstable mind, I do feel a lil hesitation but i bet you one day i'm going to wake with a tattoo on my.......

Lend me your hand

Dear friend,
Its been long time since we sat down and spoke. Long time since we shared our thoughts, ideas, our sorrows and joys... in short ourselves. Though you are here, very close to me, yet it feels that we are miles apart.
I dont know where we went wrong again.I keep running through the memory lane over and over again for the glimpse of that point.The care still lingers in my heart making imaginary conversations with you and my eyes will continue to tear in the memory of us.
Lend me your hand now, for the little ray of hope diminishes as my pride, hurt by all the rejection, now overcomes everything else.

Have you forgotten the promise you made?
That you would walk along the path as a well-wisher. Stay friends forever with me.

Is that all lies, like the rest of them all?

And, then one day when all the hope is gone, the care buried deep beneath the scab and the tears dried out, it would just be too late to turn back and hold my hand.